Eddy Valiant picked his way through the grimy back alley towards the entrance of the Ink and Paint club. He knocked on the gnarled wooden door, leaving a small layer of dirt on his knuckles. A deep voice rumbled from inside as a pair of intolerant eyes appeared in the tiny porthole.

Voice: "What's the password?"

Eddy: "Walt sent me."

The door reluctantly opened and Eddy brushed passed the gigantic gorilla guard. "Hello again, monkey boy..." he muttered as he walked out of the room, around the bar floor and into the quiet maze of hallways that served Ink and Paint's seedier interests. Finding the door marked '304', he opened it and walked in. The room was barren, lit only by a few lamps and adorned by a single, dilapidated bed. Standing near the far wall was the inhumanly voluptuous form of Jessica Rabbit. Eddy once again had to force his eyes away from the toon woman's gigantic chest--he had to remind himself that he didn't dabble in that kind of thing.

Jessica Rabbit: "Thank you for meeting me, Mr. Valiant."

There was a slight silence before Eddy muttered his unenthusiastic response.

Eddy: "Hi."

He swung the door shut behind him.

Eddy: "So what did you want?"

Jessica: "I need to talk to you about Roger."

Whether she was going to continue, she was not allowed to. Eddy jumped in almost immediately.

Eddy: "Yeah, seems like everybody wants to talk about Roger. That tends to happen when part of a scam goes missing."

Jessica: "No! it's not like that, Mr. Valiant. I only want to protect my husband." She said in her even, silky tones.

Eddy: "Yeah, you want to protect him from uncovering your little fiasco. You and those slimeball buddies of yours like R. K. Maroon."

Jessica: "You were the one who was working for Maroon, Mr. Valiant. If you hadn't been hired to spy on us, none of this would have happened."

Eddy: "You're the one who played paddy-cake with old man Acme."

Jessica: "I had no choice, Eddy! Maroon told me that if I didn't pose for those paddy-cake pictures, he'd blacklist Roger! He'd never be able to work again!"

Eddy paused for a moment. Against his better instincts, a lot of what the dame had to say made sense. She may have been trying to play him for a fool, but her story would certainly have explained a lot of things...

Eddy: "So why did Maroon care about what Marvin Acme did? So he was a sugar-daddy. Half of the--"

Suddenly there was a violent rap on the door, followed by another almost immediately. The insistent voice of the head weasel called out from behind the warped wood, thick with it's city-weasel accent.

Weasel: "Open up! Open this door! We know you're in there! Open the door before we make forcible intrubation!"

Eddy: "You set me up!"

Jessica: "No! No! It's not like that!"

Jessica looked at the door, halfway in a panic.

Jessica: "We've got to hide you, Eddy! If they find you in here with me, we'll both go to jail! ...or worse."

Eddy looked around the empty room. There was no way he'd fit under the bed. Maybe if he hid behind one of the thin lamp posts--nah, not even the weasels were that toony.

Jessica: "Eddy! We can't be seen together!"

Eddy's gaze frantically darted back and forth. "Then what am I supposed to do!? There's no way out!"

They both heard the weasels begin to bash on the door. They didn't have much time.

Jessica: "We've got to do something. There's got to be some way to--"

She suddenly looked at Eddy with an altogether strange look on her face. The side of her lip cracked into a lopsided smile.

Eddy: "What? What!?"

The door started to break open. Throwing caution to the wind, Jessica siezed Eddy and--with a muffled, vocal sound--stuffed him all the way into her tiny toon mouth.

Just then, the weasel broke through the door.

Weasel: "Ah, so there you are."

After giving the room a quick once-over, he cautiously walked in. The weasel regarded Jessica's voluptuous body and enormously stretched cheeks. Her head was now almost as wide as her body was tall, and bulges in her face appeared unnaturally as though there were something writhing just beneath the surface.

Weasel: "...There's something different about you, doll."

Jessica looked back at him, shrugging despite the obviously nervous look in her eyes. The weasel and his cohorts made a cursory search of the room, then walked back to the distended toon woman.

Weasel: "So where is he?"

Jessica just shrugged her shoulders.

Weasel: "We know he's here, lady. Our agents saw him coming towards this room."

The other weasels gathered around her, each staring quasi-menacingly.

Weasel: "Where is he, Rabbit?"

Jessica shrugged again, shaking her head as though she didn't know. The weasel peered closely at her face.

Weasel: "You're awfully quiet tonight, honey. You hiding something?"

Jessica suddenly looked panicked, but shook her head even more vigorously.

Weasel: "Then why don't ya say somethin'? How's about you say, 'get outta here, weasels? I don't like ya no more.' "

She just looked back at the weasel, a small bead of sweat appearing on the side of her face.

Weasel: (Drawing very close and whispering) "I think you're hiding something from us..."

Jessica clenched her eyes shut, swallowed her pride and--with a terribly loud glurping sound--also swallowed Eddy. The giant bulge squished from her face down to her stomach, giving her an almost unbelievable bulge. Regaining her calm composure and cracking a mischievous grin, she answered the weasel.

Jessica: "Get outta here, weasels. I don't like ya no more."

The weasel was taken aback, having thus been proven wrong. He bared his teeth and glared at her, before turning around and heading out of the room. "Come on, boys. This place is starting to smell."

Jessica: "Come back soon, boys. *BEEEEELLLCH!!*"

The weasels flipped around at the sound of the enormous burp, but despite her shock, Jessica managed to grin calmly back at them. Growling and continuing on their way, the weasels slammed the door shut, not noticing the subtle groans and yelps from Jessica's gigantic abdomen.
As the sound of the weasels heading down the hall faded into nothing, Jessica got a sinking feeling. Eddy was writhing around inside, and she could hear his muffled yelling from inside her belly. She started to cough, trying her best to vomit Eddy back up, but it did nothing. She even went so far as to stick her finger down her throat.

Eddy: (Feeling her finger poking him in the back) "Hey!"

It was no use. She tried giving herself the heimlich maneuver, but she just couldn't cough up Eddy. He was going to be maaaaad. She began to think quickly--somebody must be able to help her. Maybe a friend of Eddy's. She quickly put on her mink coat and started to walk off towards the bar where Delorice worked. She knew Delorice didn't like her, but she didn't know who else to turn to.

The bouncing of her walk jostled Eddy. It hadn't taken him long to figure out what had happened at first--and he was almost willing to forgive her for trying to hide him in her mouth, cramped though it was. He had assumed she would just spit him back out once the weasels were gone. But being spit out was NOT what had happened--in fact, being swallowed was a very distinct experience, completely distinguishable from being spit out. Now, he could only assume he was in the toon woman's equivalent of the stomach. He could see a little bit, the toon flesh in essence generating it's own light, but it was dark, cramped and confining. His clothing was soaked, and the heat of the stomach walls was matched only by his anger. Of all the things he'd wanted to do today, being swallowed alive by that hussy Jessica Rabbit was most definately not one of them.

It must have been a set-up. They had planned it this way all along. And he had been a complete sucker for it, in more ways than one. This must have been how they planned to get rid of the meddling Eddie Valiant--by feeding him to a toon. He struggled angrily against the hot, slippery flesh of Jessica's innards, eventually exhausting himself as unidentified ooze dribbled down his face. He went limp and rested for a moment, marvelling at the ludicrousity of his fate.

He thought cynical thoughts as he felt what could only be a fish skeleton with his left hand, pinned in position as it was in the tight chamber. Something hard and uncomfortable pressed up against his back. Shifting his weight, he looked and saw what it was--a small signpost that had arrows pointing in different directions, demarking "Lungs", "Colon" and "Liver", along with several other body parts. He uprooted it and tossed it down the tube to her intestines as he angrily reflected on the nature of toons...

*****

Every head in the place turned as Jessica Rabbit, looking like she had eaten an elephant, walked with considerable difficulty into the bar. Delorice's eyes opened wide and she simply stared as Jessica hurried as best she could towards her.

Jessica: "I need your help. Is there a place we can talk in private?"

Delorice just turned away in quiet shock and led her towards the back room of the bar, where Roger was waiting, playing poker against what appeared to be a watering can. When he saw Jessica, his eyes lit up with untold joy.

Roger: "Jessica! Hunny-Bunny Love-Bear!" He got up and looked at her. "Wow! Honey! Have you lost weight?"

Jessica turned to Delorice.

Jessica: "I swallowed Eddy. I didn't mean to, but the weasels broke in and it was the only way I could hide him."

Delorice: "Uh...Well...at least that's...creative..."

Roger cupped his wife's incredibly large stomach in both his hands.

Roger: "You mean that's EDDY?"

He scampered up Jessica's body and wrenched her mouth open, sticking his head into her mouth and yelling down her throat.

Roger: "Eddy! Don't worry, we'll getcha outta there!"

As the rabbit hopped down and started looking for de-ingestion implements, Delorice spoke again.

Delorice: "So is he alright in there?"

Jessica: "I really don't know. He stopped squirming about an hour ago."

Delorice: "But when did this happen?"

Jessica blushed and looked sheepish, obviously not wanting to answer.

Jessica: "...about three hours ago. It took me that long to get a cab that didn't get a flat tire the second I got inside."

Roger suddenly turned around with a pair of plyers in his hands.

Roger: "Will these work?"

Delorice: "I don't think so. How are we gonna get him out?"

Jessica: "I don't know. I tried getting myself to throw up, but I couldn't."

Roger: "Say...maybe WE can make her throw up!"

Delorice: "That's a good idea."

Roger: "Say, you've seen a lot of people throw up around here! What makes them do it?"

Delorice: "Well, whiskey's usually pretty fast. We could try that."

Jessica: "Anything. I can't stand the thought of Eddy trapped in there."

As Delorice walked out to grab some bottles from the bar, Roger hobbled up with a small jar of ten-year-old antacids he found in the nearby cabinet.

Roger: "Here, honey! These should help!"

Jessica: (Seeing the fact that their age has fused them into one solid piece) "Uh...no thanks, Roger. I only want to throw up once."

Delorice returned with four bottles of unidentified brown liquid.

Delorice: "This is the strongest stuff we have. Most people who drink this throw up if they have more than two glasses."

Roger: "Go for it, honey! Chug that hooch-bah!"

Jessica tentatively took one of the bottles and started swigging it down. Inside her belly, Eddy felt the cascade of cold whiskey pour all over him and started to yell.

Eddy: "Hey! What the hell's going on up there!?"

Nobody heard him.

Ten minutes and three and a half bottles later, Jessica was sitting against the back wall (All the chairs having broken under her momentous girth), her hair dishevelled and her face placid and very decidedly drunk-looking. She slowly drooled down her cleavage as her head bobbed unsteadily back and forth. An unnatural grin was on her face as she quietly hummed nonsensical things to herself.

Delorice: "I guess it's not easy to get a toon to throw up."

Roger: "I just don't get it. I usually go bonko just THINKING about whiskey. And she's drank three bottles."

Jessica laughed and held up five fingers.

Jessica: "Fivv unda baf." She corrected him before going into a fit of delirous giggling.

Delorice: "Maybe we should try something else."

Roger: "Yeah! Maybe we can gross her out! Hey honey! Look at this!" He held up an 8x10" polaroid of a mound of dog-poo. She just pointed and laughed slurredly. "Okay..." He yelled to her as he stuck his finger into his nose. "Check THIS out!" he withdrew something long, green and horrible looking, subsequently putting it on a hot-dog bun and adding mustard. He slowly started to place the whole thing in his mouth.
Delorice was noticeably grossed out. Roger's mouth hovered over the monstrousity, his jaws slowly closing--beads of sweat appeared on his face as Jessica just stared at him, smiling and humming. His face slowly turned green as he inexhorably bit down on the goop-filled bun, darkening to an unnatural shade of purple as the concoction squished between his teeth. As he bit off a chunk and it filled his cheeks with a squish, his whole face turn into a palatte of orange and yellow checkers before he suddenly ran to a bucket and hurled violently with a sound like a screaming elephant going over a waterfall.
Jessica just pointed and laughed.

Delorice, deciding she was sick of trying, grabbed a picture off of a nearby countertop. "Look!" she said. "Ike Eisenhower!"

Jessica's eyes suddenly bulged and just as suddenly "BLEEEEAAAAUUUUUUUUURRRRGGCCCHHH!!" Eddy was violently ejected from her stomach in a spray of amber liquid. He crashed to the ground, looking like he'd been swimming in a mudpit, his clothes shredded and his face a cloud of none-too-happiness. He immediately sat up, looked around, and saw the now-diminuative form of Jessica sitting against the wall.

Eddy: "YOU!"

Delorice stopped wiping the ooze off of her dress just in time to grab Eddy, who was attempting to charge at Jessica's prostrate form. Roger grabbed his other arm, happy as a lark.

Roger: "Wow, Eddy! Are we glad to see you outta there! I mean, it musta been horrible, with all that goo, and the smell, and all that whiskey pouring all over you..."

Delorice: "Roger, you're not helping."

Finally Eddy stopped struggling.

Eddy: (growling) "Next time you wanna hide me, why don't you just crush my body and stuff it in a beer can!?"

Roger: "Do you think that'd really work?"

Eddy just glared at Roger.

Delorice: "It's okay, Eddy, it's over." She tried to comfort him, but couldn't bring herself to touch his slime-dripping form any more than she already had.

Eddy: "Well, if you'll excuse me..." He looked angrily at each occupant of the room in turn, "I think I need a shower."

Suddenly, a red light in the corner of the room started flashing.

Delorice: "Oh no. You guys stay here."

She ran out to the bar, where the weasels had just begun to enter. With them was--of all the people--Judge Doom.
He walked calmy over to the bar, regarding Delorice and her spattered dress with an eerie smile.

Doom: "Good evening, my lady. I was wondering if you couldn't help me locate certain...fugitive individuals."

Delorice was immediately defensive. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Doom: "Oh, don't you." He said, looking tellingly at the glistening glop on her shirt. Slowly, he leaned closer, and closer, until she could feel his breath on her face. "Are you sure that's the position you want to take, dear woman?" he continued in his slow, deliberate tones.

Delorice: "I told you. There aren't any fugitives here."

The judge slowly leaned back. "You will regret that, my dear." With sudden purpose, he reached into his coat and withdrew a large, rediculous looking contraption. It had numerous, brightly-colored protrusions, dozens of flashing lights and a colorful logo with the words "RABBIT-O-METER" splashed across them. Delorice took a worried step back. With a sly grin, Doom handed the device to the head weasel.

Doom: "Now...let's see if we can't flush out some criminals."

The weasel started waving the Rabbit-O-Meter around, pushing it towards the patrons of the bar as he walked quickly around the room. Suddenly, as he approached the entrance to the secret back room, the device began to ping. The weasel's smile revealed rows of yellow teeth.

Weasel: "This way, judge."

He started to walk forward, slowly at first, until he was certain he had located the hidden panel that lead to the room. Still grinning his malicious grin, he knocked on the hidden 'door'. Upon hearing no response, Judge Doom spoke a command.

Doom: "Break it down."

The door blasted inward as weasels poured into the hidden chamber. In the dim haze, they could only make out one form. Holding the Rabbit-O-Meter out towards it, the weasel triumphantly declared "We've found him!"
Suddenly, the hugely distended form of Jessica Rabbit walked into the shaft of light.

Jessica: (smiling) "Is there a problem, boys?"

Doom's calm countenance twisted into a sneer. "You fools, you've only found JESSICA Rabbit!" He turned back towards the bar. "Everyone in here knows, we'll find him! You'll stop meddling with us if you know what's good for you!"

With that, he and his cronies stormed out.

Meanwhile, in Jessica's stomach, Roger shifted as his body was pressed against Eddy's.

Roger: "I dunno...it ain't so bad. *gurgling sound* Eeeewwww!"

Eddy just growled in response.

*****

EPILOGUE

Eddy was already very cramped inside the tight prison of Jessica's belly. But it had suddenly tightened, painfully and seemingly without reason. Eddy found himself pushed slowly downwards as his breath was squeezed out of him, and he clenched his teeth and tried to hold in as much of his breath as he could while he tried to figure out what was going on. The stomach became darker, and as it constricted him tighter and tighter he suddenly saw a light in front of him. A tiny light, but it looked almost as though it were an exit to Jessica's body. And he was being squeezed towards it. It was not nearly large enough for him to fit through, but his body was forced painfully downwards anyway, until it moved out of Eddy's field of vision and he felt it pressed against his head. The air through it was cool. Suddenly, the toon's insides clamped down hard, and Eddy screamed through his clenched teeth as his face was pressed tightly against Jessica's insides. Slowly, inexhorably, Jessica's body began to force Eddy through the tiny opening. First just his forehead, and then enough that he could see out--though he still didn't know where he was. All he could see was white, and the horizon of Jessica's bare skin. Her body contracted again, shoving him inch by inch outward as he gritted his teeth. Finally, enough of his face was free that he could move his head slightly and get a better look at where he was. He saw a small pool of water beneath him, and finally realized where he was just as Jessica's body suddenly moved and he was pulled away--pulled away from the toilet bowl. His surroundings moved quickly, but soon he got a stable glimpse of them. A bathroom stall, from the look of things. Jessica was now bent over above the toilet, obviously attempting to poop him out. He heard her voice grunting with effort as another clench forced him out even further.

Eddy could barely move his lungs, but he managed to stammer out one hoarse phrase: "Why don't you try some laxatives already!"
With a grunt like a wild beast, she pushed as hard as she could and Eddy was expelled up to his shoulders. He could now move his head, and looked down and saw Jessica's ass wrapped impossibly tightly around his body. "I'm not getting paid enough for this..."